It’s devastating to come across the story of friend who gets jilted by her boyfriend(don’t feel like usind the term “love”) right in the middle of her unmarried pregnancy. What’s worse is that he gave reasons like she wasn’t a “virgin” when they met & he isn’t responsible for the pregnancy. What do you think the girl did? She tried to end her life.
For a friend…and for many other girls out there…
Do you have to constantly keep a check on his FB chats/inbox messages? Is he the one who constantly asks you to put up that lingerie he saw in a VicToria’s Secret ad? Is he obsessive about your “virginity” and makes a big deal out of it? Is getting down & dirty the only thing he has to talk about when he calls you?
Yes …every point mentioned above is harsh & brazen & I had no intentions of writing something like this…but this is a mistake which a lot of girls make. Unfortunately men are not like currency notes …you could put them under the light and figure out who’s real and who’s fake. And dear ladies…it’s not about judging anyone…it’s just about being SAFE!
There’s a reason why I feel like spanking filmmakers for making films like Banj Baja Barat & Ishaqzaade or Rab Ne Banadi Jodi for that matter. I know…my old pet peeves…but this is exactly the reason. Look at the female characters of BBB & Ishaqzade…1st half of the film they are headstrong & amazingly spirited & 2nd half of the film they are destroyed,jilted in love & then hopelessly return to the same man who didn’t even respect their body…forget about emotions. So is it okay for every girl to repeatedly forgive a guy who plays around? Is it okay for a guy to sleep with her and then dump her and then make a puppy face and get her back? What are we tying to show in these movies? Rab Ne Banadi Jodi…again a fim that “glorifies” the confused nature of a woman and in the end comes out the pathetic…”mujhe unmein rab dikhta hai” because she plays the hopeless subservient 2nd hand fiddle to chauvinist men in her life! Dear ladies.. rab baad mein dikhega…pehle pata to chale insaniyat hai ya nahi usmein!
Toxic relationhips…why do women deny that they MADE A MISTAKE? Galti sabse ho jati hai…even the most beautiful women in this world have been deceived…some even destroyed by creeps who could do nothing other than using them.
IT’S OKAY to think about your happiness. Yes you learnt to cook his favourite chicken dish even if you don’t like it. Did he care about the fact that may be your puppy is something close to your heart? Ofcourse these are trivialities…but why should you be the one who thinks about his happiness and he never reciprocates? You happiness is important as well.
YOU DON’T NEED TO BE SUBSERVIENT. You are as educated as him…as smart as him…as intelligent as him(well most of the times more than him 😀 )…then why do you need to need to play a 2nd class citizen in you relationship?
WE HAVE A LIFE TOO. On a personal level we have dreams too…ambitions too…we have our own set of opinions too…if we like to wear shorts its because we like to wear shorts & we don’t need to explain why. If they don’t like being questioned “kiska phone tha?” even we don’t like being told “ye mat pehno log kya sochenge”.
WE ARE BEAUTIFUL. And we may not perhaps look like that photoshopped model/actress but there is no humanly possible pedastal on this planet that can ever judge a woman as not beautiful. Not possible. We are beatiful even with those blemishes and scars and a little more flab.We are beautiful with any complexion we are born with. We are beautiful with or without make up. We are beautiful with unkept hair and undone eyebrows.And…if he dare says we are not…we are better off without them…after all its just a man and we don’t need a man to verify that WE ARE BEAUTIFUL.
WE DO NOT COMPETE WITH THEIR MOMMY. Perhaps men will never grow up. We know we will never be able to cook like their moms or even iron clothes as efficiently as their moms do because we would never compete with her…but if he constantly goes around making a comparison that doesn’t even make sense…the mamma’s boy definitely needs to go to school and brush up his boyfriend skills. We do not like unfair comparisons.

VIRGINITY IS NOT A PANDORA’S BOX. I know it’s a sensitive issue but I could never figure out what does “virgin” mean? It means “pure”. So a girl who happened to love earlier is not “pure”.Or may be a girl who was abused is not “pure”.Even a girl who was cheated is not “pure”. Is it some kind of a Pandora’s box that should have never been touched before he touched you.Is this the focal point of loving a woman? The answer is same as the question. Not a virgin…not a sinner…and if he doesn’t understand that…he doesn’t love you.
MYTH:-YOU NEED A MAN TO SECURE YOU! NOPE..YOU DON’T. Why to cling on to a man for all the wrong reeasons on this planet? If he can’t secure a happy space for you…then how the hell is he going to secure you on a social level? BIG MYTH!
If you sleep most nights wondering about is he the one who’s going to sex-you-in & then ex-you-out…then better get some sleep!
If he is a guy who’s never asked you about your childhood but found your cupsize more intresting…if he is the guy who never remembered all the sacrifices you made for him but remembers you talking about your issues to him as your “tantrums”…if he is the guy who doesn’t have time for your birthday but has all the time in the world to make-out whenever he feels like…if he is the guy who doesn’t think it’s his responsibility to keep you happy and then blames you for every problem in his life… KICK HIM AS FAR AS POSSIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of my favourite writers said
To say “I love you” one must first be able to say the “I.”
Ayn Rand
The man who lacks individuality, the power to think & act on his own terms and has been a spineless scroundel all his life should never be entertained to have such an important space in your life. And if you have already made the mistake …there’s always a good time to set it right.
Every woman is a princess…if a man disrespects her…he isn’t a man.


One response »

  1. Anil says:

    Very nice article on self love and awareness in relating.

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